paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
there was a trapeze. enough said
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
