I heard we made out
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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