I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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