we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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