I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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