I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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