She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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