Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
