So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
