i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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