someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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