what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
