her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
