I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
