why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
