I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
