I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
