I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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