so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think your dad took our porno
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
