I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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