i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
