he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
They took my balls.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
