I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
