we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
you had me at cake vodka
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
