She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
