some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
