I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize