I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
