Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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