ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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