my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I need to stop coming to work sober
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
