As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
