Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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