you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
