I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
