I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
