there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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