Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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