Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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