Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
