I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just gargled with NyQuil
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
