dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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