Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
