i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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