After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
