I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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