You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
