Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
