dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
