Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
