I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
