I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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