He felt like a one man threesome
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
