He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
