a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Your face is a jimmy john
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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