so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
