11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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