your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
