Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
