Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Im part way to drunk.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
not ubering you a puppy
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
