OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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