im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
