Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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