Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
