I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
