Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
