it wasn't lemon gatorade
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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