I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
