The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Acid is not a monday night drug
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
