It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
