unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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