I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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